He's Just Not That Into You

These six little words may seem harsh. You may want to smack the head of the person who dared to speak those words aloud. "What? How dare you even suggest that? Of course, he likes me. He's just well... busy/complicated/hurting/etc." You may feel outrage especially if you happen to hear it for the first time, but you should thank your lucky stars that somebody smart and honest enough actually invested time and effort in writing this book.

I personally read the book about a few months back. The first thought that came to mind was - "Wow, why couldn't this book have come out earlier - like maybe 10 years ago?" This could have saved me a lot of anxiety and worrying over nothing.

Do these phrases seem familiar?
"Maybe he doesn't know how to get my contact number."
"He's just going through a tough phase right now."
"I think he's intimdated by me."
"He just can't commit right now. But I know that if he can, I'll be his first choice."

Did you ever wonder why a guy suddenly disappears and doesn't call for no apparent reason after pursuing you relentlessly for two weeks? Have you heard the phrase "Sorry I haven't called you, I've been swamped with work"? Do you have a pattern of giving excuses for the sorry behavior of your somewhat-boyfriend-somewhat-friend? Does your relationship make you insecure rather than feeling good about yourself? Do you wonder, "Where is this relationship going?" or "Is he ever gonna ask me to marry him?"

If you are nodding your head in agreement, then please just STOP. Take a long hard look at what you are doing to yourself. Don't bother obssessing and rehashing every single detail with your girlfriends and analyzing the what-if's and what-nots.

I remember back in high school, I was bemoaning the fact that my being smart was scaring away all potential suitors. My (equally if not smarter) brother replied: "I know what you mean but that's not true. Only dumb guys don't like smart women. And besides, if they can't handle your smarts, why bother with them?" At that time, I just nodded outwardly but just kept shaking my head inwardly and kept wishing for Somebody-Up-There will decrease my IQ or something. But now, it's all starting to make sense.

Guys are relatively simple. They are either into you, or they're not. Although guys can't tell you that "you're not the one" directly (they're cowards in that way), they don't send mixed signals. We just choose to ignore them, give them the benefit of the doubt and hang on to the little thread of hope to keep the relationship going.

Let's face it. Most girls are NICE. When I say nice, I mean like the sweet and forgiving kind. Despite how assertive we may be in the workplace, we just turn to mush when we are around guys that we like. Maybe it's our maternal instinct. I dunno, I guess it's just part of who we are. We can't exactly change our nature, but we can accept this and just be smarter about how we deal with relationships.

This book is telling us that we are fantastic girls. We're gorgeous. We're smart. We're funny. This is also why we shouldn't settle for anything less than what we deserve - which is tender loving care from equally fantastic men (or women, if that's what you prefer). If they can't appreciate us for what we are, why should we fool ourselves into believing that they will change once they get a higher paying job or finally stabilize the business venture? Why should we waste our time in unsatisfying relationships if the guy who's really into you is out there, possibly waiting for you as well?

So the next time you feel the need to analyze his actions, maybe you need to start considering that maybe... he's just not that into you. Set yourself free. Move on and find the one who does. You won't be sorry.

Oh, and read the book for more details. Trust me - this book will become a girl's new best friend or the equivalent of a Holy Bible or Quran for us. :P