Balance Sheet of Life

A close colleague forwarded this article just a few days ago.

Although my work is really IT in nature, I have been exposed to the accounting side during my 7-year stay in the company. Although I can never claim to be a certified accountant nor an accountant at heart, I have learned little by little to appreciate the complexities and wonders behind financial statements, debit/credit and the like. This is the reason why I felt such an affinity when I read this particular article... Enjoy reading! :)

Balance Sheet of Life

Our Birth is our Opening Balance
Our Death is our Closing Balance
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities

Our Creative Ideas are our Assets
Heart is our Current Asset
Soul is our Fixed Asset

Brain is our Fixed Deposit
Thinking is our Current Account
Achievements are our Capital

Character & Morals, our Stock-in-trade
Friends are our General Reserves
Values & Behavior are our Goodwill

Patience is our Interest Earned
Love is our Dividend
Children are our Bonus Issues

Education is Brands / Patents
Knowledge is our Investment
Experience is our Premium Account

The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.

The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.

Ouch!

I never knew that the probability of getting hit by a ball in your own garden is apparently very high.

I was just sitting in the garden, minding my own business and reading a new book. I hear two high-pitched voices shouting, "Watch out!!!" Since my mind was on the book that I was reading (don't ask me which scene in the romance novel I was actually reading that time :P), I reacted too late. A few milliseconds after the warning, I felt something hard hit my face, specifically exactly on my left eye.

The world literally turned black for a few seconds and I just couldn't help but bend over, moaning in pain. I saw stars -- or at least some fragments of bright lights bursting sporadically in my world of darkness... Now I know why cartoons always have stars above the head whenever somebody gets punched in the face.

I wish I could say a few feminine tears rolled down from the corner of my eyes, but I have to confess that I bawled my eyes out and cried for my mommy. It really hurt. Seriously.

...

For that matter, why are softballs called such anyway, when they're obviously not soft? I should send a formal complaint to ... err... to whoever came up with that term... whoever he may be or has been.

Luckily or unluckily, depending on how you view it, I didn't get any permanent scars. Lucky because I don't have to show up at work with a black eye. I might scare my two new hires even before their first month is over. Unlucky because I have nothing to prove that this actually occurred. I can't even use it to make my neighbors who threw the ball feel more guilty than they already do. Just kidding, I'm too nice to do that to kids. Adults maybe, but not kids.

Chance

I'd like to think we live in a modern world. We frown upon archaic notions that women should stay inside the kitchen and not be seen or heard outside. We welcome innovative ideas and encourage youngsters to be creative and think out-of-the-box. We also celebrate success stories of how a certain person has overcome poverty and corruption and rose to fame and stardom.

But then again, no matter how long the journey to modernization has been, I realize there are still remnants of discrimination that exist in society today.

I find it is extremely disconcerting that for once, I am the object of someone else's dislike, just because of unusual circumstances, some of which are not completely within my control and influence. There is just something fundamentally wrong about objecting to somebody just because he happens to be born of darker color than you, or maybe she just happens to have come out from a failed marriage due to extraordinary circumstances.

Should one allow himself be boxed into the limited world that he has experienced so far? Should people be judged at all? What should be the standard for judging if one is worthy or not? It's as if all prior good deeds and accomplishments you have had so far amount to nothing. Just with a look - you feel this small.

How does one react to such attitude? How does one defend himself from stereotypes? Can you actually teach old dogs new tricks? Or should we just accept that discrimination is a fact of life and hence, can never escape it?

Logically, there are several ways to respond to this. You can just grin and bear it, despite feeling your heart break into tiny pieces inside. Rely on your good ol' humor to see you through the day. You can always shrug your shoulders and convince yourself that "heck, you can't expect to please everyone." You can also choose to resent the individuals for their narrow-minded thinking. All these are possible reactions, but none of them actually solve the root cause of the problem. It still doesn't remove the barrier and somehow will the other person to tolerate you, despite the fact that you would do anything humanly possible to convince her that you're a nice person.

At the end of the day, all one wants is a chance... a chance to prove that despite everything, you are a wonderful and interesting person who deserves a second shot at Cupid's Arrow. A chance to let them see the 'real' you behind the skin color or the status. A chance to show that the world is bigger than what we currently know and see, and that the unknown might bring greater happiness than we could possibly imagine. And if, after given that fair chance, you still have objections, then I would be the first to walk away from the relationship graciously, without any ill feelings.

That is all one could hope for. It is what I only wish for -- just a simple chance.

Lost and Found

After I moved out from the condo unit back to my parent's house, I had avoided cleaning my room for the longest possible time.

The fire a few months back made a pretty darn good excuse since it meant weeks of renovation for the burnt attic. Blaming my busy schedule at work also worked for a couple of times. But, as we always say, good things must come to an end. I just HAD to start cleaning out my closet, or I might find myself sent out of my room (at this age and time) without a bed to sleep on for the night.

Amidst the grime and dust, I had found some rather interesting stuff that I thought I had lost through the years.

... my first Valentine's card from this gangly kid whom I played pretend games with back in third grade (The memory of an 11-year old declaring his love for you while you're pretending to be mommy and daddy is pretty cute.)
... a stackful of Post-Its that my friends and I passed around during Biology and Filipino class to pass the time
... an unsent and unfinished love letter that I insisted on writing to my crush asking him to marry me back in sixth grade (thank God I didn't have money for stamps.)
... several birthday cards sent by thoughtful friends acquaintances over the years
... snapshots of me and my friends during my 18th birthday, wearing the most hideous debutante dresses (I can't believe that was the fad at that time.)
... old notebooks with doodles of my name intertwined with an old crush from college

I can't help but spend a few moments to go through those things one by one, line by line.

Some made me laugh at the sheer silliness of the words. Some left a bittersweet ache in my heart, remembering "the one/s who got away". Some just made me shudder and fervently wish that I had more sense than to wear shoulder pads to my prom night.

But regardlessof the situation, each and every one of them managed to envoke a reaction from me. It stirred some long-forgotten memories that played a huge part in your growing up years.

And I guess, at the end of the day, this is what makes cleaning my closet worthwhile. Because I get to find hidden treasures. And I get to walk down the memory lane once again. I wonder what other stuff I might find when I clean my room again, let's say, 5 years from now? :)

This is the Life!

One thing that amazes me about the beach is that the sky looks different each day. I could literally spend the whole day just staying by the shore and watch the sky change from blue to orange to purple and other combinations imaginable to mankind.

I don't get to see the sunrise often for obvious reasons. But every time I do watch a sunset, it confirms my belief that Somebody-Up-There is an artist. Not just an ordinary artist, but somebody who takes immense pleasure in conjuring a multi-colored backdrop that will be the source of enjoyment for all who are lucky enough to observe and notice the beauty of the sky.

Just wanted to share some pics that my friends took. We spent 3 glorious stress-free days in La Luz Beach Resort in Batangas City.

Me with Swats on her first vacation in Manila after working in the US for 2 years

Me with my friends from school (and their boylets)

Me and my favorite boy :) You may notice how strategically positioned he is such that he blocks my err... very flat tummy? Yep he's a smart kid all right. :)

Great food, great view, great company.... What more can I ask for?

Aaaah... this is definitely the life!

It Only Happens in Movies

I remember watching a Tagalog movie trailer that shows how the couple met for the first time at the escalator in a mall. They were going in opposite directions. However, they both notice each other at the same time. Guy smiles first, girl smiles back, and they keep staring at each other until they have to get off.

I don't remember who they were or what the title of the movie was, but I do remember scoffing at that particular scene and thinking how unrealistic it was. I said to myself, "Now that only happens in movies."

Another particular scene that I remember from a different movie is that a complete stranger comes up, introduces himself to you and asks for your number. "That only happens in movies." Same line but followed immediately by a rather unladylike and loud snort.

Apparently it doesn't just happens in movies.

Granted, both examples above only happened once each in my whole life. (The escalator scene happened just a while ago at Mall of Asia. The guy who introduced himself to me happened to be my first boyfriend who I've broken up with more than 10 years ago). But at least I know that it does happen and those scenes aren't just figments of the writer's imagination.

I will be first to admit when I'm wrong and this is one of those times. One probably shouldn't shoot down romantic and goosebump-able ideas and deem them unrealistic just because one hasn't experienced them yet.

Who knows? Maybe someone will propose his undying love for me during a hot air balloong adventure. It can happen to us normal creatures, too.

Women of Value

June 15, 2007

He who touches you touches the apple of His eye.
- Zechariah 2:8

It was during the time that my dad got sick with cancer and stroke that I realized just how far apart I am from my spiritual side. You know how people normally pray during desperate times? Well, I didn't even pray a single time throughout my dad's illness. THAT scared me and prompted me to stop pushing my spirituality aside until a more convenient time. I realized that I have become so emotionally detached from God that my spiritually ispractically non-existent. I have been spiritually barren for more more than a dozen years now, whether deliberate or not.

I attended my first bible study last night. I met a group of genuinely warm and God-fearing adults who seriously believe that being Christ-centered can do more good than evil. The group is also there to share stories from their own experiences that will help the rest of the group think about similar choices that they've done.

Main Message
The woman of God knows she is valuable and has worth because Jesus Christ is in her life. The first step towards self-esteem is acceptance by faith that "I have value because God accepts me."

What Made It Difficult For Me To Swallow
1. Because of previous horrible situations, I have trouble accepting blessings and good fortune at face value. I find myself disbelieving and challenging everything that seems good before accepting them. But understanding this self-inflicted destructive pattern has helped me realize that this is not helping me achieve anything positive in my life. I should strive to believe that I am worthy of being loved and showered with blessings in life.

2. Normally people measure their worth by their achievements, their status, their children's successes or how well-matched they are with their respective partners. But what is the real measure of worth? If you suddenly lose your job, your children become drug addicts and you find yourself divorced from your husband, does that make you any less worthy or less valuable? We have to shift our current thinking vs the real worth. It is proven time and time again that material things are not reliable - meaning they can either break or we can lose them. We should strive to find our worth not from external sources but from something more lasting and reliable.

3. Believe me, I have committed my fair share of sins, in my short 28 years on Earth. I may not be a serial killer nor a terrorist, but I am not a completely nice person all the time. Why should Christ stand by me and die for me, when I clearly did not deserve any of it? Well, I guess it just is. That is how powerful God's love is for us. It has no ifs and no buts. We are sinners, yet we are loved. I guess I should stop beating myself up for all of my past mistakes and start believing and loving myself first.

Status
Being the cynical and logical person that I am, you should've guessed that I am still not fully convinced that "God is the way." -- No way, not after just 3 hours of stimulating discussion and great company.

But I do know that I am one baby step closer to seeing the light and one step farther away from detachment and emptiness. And I do know that I am going back next Friday again to listen to what lessons I might learn from all the other folks in the room. Thanks to my friends who have continuously prayed even though I did not believe.

Thoughts on Being an Effective Trainer

I had the pleasure of being invited to a focus group discussion with our company's General Manager, Jim Lafferty. Aside from being a key business leader and strategist, he is also passionate about training and building the people. I can personally attest to this since I have seen this drive consistently exhibited from all of the training sessions that he had conducted in the past.

I would like to share some key thoughts that I had taken away from the roomful of equally passionate trainers from office.

1. First and foremost, you should have a desire to teach. One cannot coach another to have desire. It's either you have it or you don't. Maybe you were forced to train because of direct mandates from higher management. Maybe you figured it would look good on your resume or on your work plan results. Regardless of the reasons, if you don't have that initial passion to learn and share what you have learned, don't assume that you'll be able to fool your audience into thinking otherwise.

2. Credibility is key. Having trainers with the right qualifications and experience will build the right level of confidence. If you are not the experts in that particular area, do not even think about volunteering. You are just asking for "difficult audiences" who will forever oppose what you are preaching because they do not believe you have a right to teach it in the first place.

3. Customize your training materials. Do not just take something that HR or your counterparts from other regions used and present it as-is. Throw in your own personal touch. Add experiences that you are passionate about. Rest assured, it will come out to be more comfortable and effective - ergo, more "you."

4. All trainers should be able to sense the audience's emotions. Being a great trainer means that you can assess quickly whether your audience need a short exercise to get their blood pumping, or when they are impatient to go to the next slide because they already understand the main point. One should be able to see subtle cues so that they will be able to react and plan their strategy quickly. The training session is definitely not the time to be oblivious.

5. Engage and put your audience at ease. You can achieve this by making them laugh within the first 120 seconds of your training. This is a guaranteed way to endear you to your audience. Empathize with them. Put a little humor at just the right timing and right manner. With the gazillion of available jokes in the Internet, you'll surely be able to find a suitable one for the topic that you're training on. Your job is to teach them as much as it is to entertain them. You have to earn the right for them to listen to you. Don't expect everyone to sit up and take notes just because you happen to be a Vice-President of the biggest selling brand in your region.

6. Treat your audience with dignity and respect. No matter how pissed you may be at the intern who is dozing off in the middle of your favorite anecdote, or the know-it-all participant who kept jumping in and asking senseless questions that are the complete opposite of what you just discussed, do not embarrass your audience. Be subtle on how you give your feedback. As much as possible, ensure that you give the message in the right way.

7. Do not overcomplicate the subject matter. This is where storytelling techniques are used to make the topic more memorable. Use analogies and real-life examples to get people to understand your point. Don't limit yourself into thinking that this is not applicable for technical or functional trainings. A great teacher can make the world's most boring subject interesting and understandable. Recall how your own mother explained what is gravity or why there are raindrops. I'm sure she didn't read off what is exactly stated in Wikipedia (or the equivalent encyclopedia then). She stuck with the basic message but added her own creativity and translated it into a language that was understood by a 7-year old.

8. Training or teaching is an art, not a science. At the end of the day, no matter how many self-help manuals you may have read about training, or how great your mentor is, it is still a continuous process of learning and re-learning. There is no sure fire way of achieving a perfect evaluation score. But if you have passion for learning and sharing what you have learned with others, just continue to build on that passion. There are only a few things more satisfying than hearing your previous students walk up to you and say, "I still remember your blue monkey example or your arrow experiement."

Again, a big salute to all trainers and teachers out there! The world would not be as good as it is now without your neverending passion for knowledge and learning.

The Art of Storytelling

I think one of the best skills that a great leader and role model should have is the art of storytelling.

It's more than just having excellent communication skills. I have met a lot of colleagues who write crisp and concise memos, but I don't necessarily regard them as great influencers.

Somehow, someway, it is being able to relate your insights to a broad audience and retain your message in their minds. It means you get them to think and assess on whether you are making sense or not. You also get them glued to their seats and hanging on to your every word. And you manage to do all this within the first 10 minutes after you start talking!

This talent is usually present among people who are passionate about building the people and organization - trainers, facilitators, mentors, coaches, teachers, parents, priests, etc. They are the "unsung heroes" versus let's say, somebody who had created the actual commercial for Pantene or the star of a musical show. But their contribution to society is equal, if not far greater.

People who have this gift should never stop telling stories. They should persist in listening and learning from new experiences and add on to what they currently have. They should believe in the value that they bring to the people, even though it might not be appreciated immediately.

Thanks to all the people who have continuously shared a part of their lives to me and told great stories that inspire and influence my life! You know who you are.

Haaay...yah!

I attended my son's first taekwondo recital last Thursday, June 7, 2007. He took lessons 3x a week during summer. He's actually the youngest in the class.

We're still negotiating on whether he'll continue his lessons during the schoolyear or not. :)

Just wanted to share some pics from the recital...

Signed and Sealed

I finally did it.

After years of doubts and uncertainties and months of separation and reflection, I finally signed the annulment papers - or at least signed the case papers that will be filed by my lawyer within the week. God knows how long the processing will take, but at least I know it will be working its way up within the justice system already. I'm just crossing my fingers that it won't get into the hands of some happy-go-lucky money-hungry judicial aide who happened to hate Chinese. :P

Some of you might be wondering how I'm feeling right now. I tried to find one word that will sum it all up, but I can't. My emotions are all jumbled up inside. After a while, I was actually quite surprised to find tears streaming down my cheeks. I didn't imagine that I would still feel pain now because this had been the result of a long and thorough thinking process, but nevertheless, I can't help but still be affected by it.

Despair. Will I ever find love again? Will love ever find me again? Will I ever learn to trust someone again?

Doubt. Am I doing the right thing? Am I sure that the marriage wouldn't have worked out eventually? Maybe I was just too selfish and demanding. Maybe I set impossible standards. Will I be able to raise my child well even without the normal family structure? Does true love and happily after really exist?

Anger. Why is life so darn difficult? Why do I need to go through so many trials before finding happiness? Why can't the world be perfect? Why me? Why not pick on the bad people? Why me?

The internal conversation I had with Somebody-Up-There was definitely not rated PG13. I now cringe at how awful my thoughts were. But those are the actual emotions running through my head.

Eventually, this is what I hope to be feeling.

Forgiveness. Life is too short to be filled with anger. Forgive and forget. I pray that I will have peace of mind and contentment.

Hope. This is the road to a new beginning. My dreams will come true, as long as I believe. I will count my blessings. I have faith that it will turn out for the best. Life is still good.

Trust. There must be a good reason for everything that has happened. I trust in what God has planned for me. I trust in the goodness of people's hearts. I trust that love will find its way back to my life again.

No matter how right the decision may seem to be, you can never be too sure. And there will always be a part of you that would have died along with the separation. You can never bring back the initial wonder and innocence that you once had, no matter how hard you try. You may have learned to laugh again or to trust people eventually, but it takes time and patience.

But along with the trials and challenges, you will emerge a better and stronger person. You will always learn something new about life and about yourself in every situation that you encounter. And that, I guess, makes life interesting.

Am I alright? Not yet. But I know I will be, somewhere, somehow. Thanks for asking. :)

Affirmative!

No matter how confident or secure you are in your abilities, words of affirmation are still important.

I was starting to feel just a tiny bit insecure, especially after hearing a barrage of subtly-spoken and well-meaning suggestions for the past couple of days on my child-rearing abilities. When I was putting my son to bed a while ago, I jokingly said to him, "You know, maybe I should look for a better mother for you, even for just a few weeks." Upon hearing this, my sleepy child suddenly gave me a long and fierce hug and told me with all the seriousness of a 6-year old, "But Mommy, I don't want any other mommies. You're the only mommy I want. I love you just the way you are."

There's nothing pretensious or grandoise about what he said. In fact, it was the sheer simplicity and utter confidence of his words that made my face beam with pleasure. I know that he loves me (I carried him for 9 months, for goodness' sake), but hearing them uttered back to me without me saying it first made my day.

Coincidentally, I just finished reading this book by Former Lady Nancy Reagan, entitled "I Love You, Ronnie." It contains the letters of Former U.S. President Ronald Reagan to Nancy from the time they met until past their 50th wedding anniversary. He tried to keep in touch despite travelling too much. He did it through mails, telegrams, greeting cards, little notes, anyhow, anywhere.

And these don't just magically appear on those days that have corresponding Hallmark greeting cards. Be it ordinary or special days, the letters are always there to show Nancy that his husband is always thinking of her, no matter where he is or what he's doing.

I found the book a bit too mushy and boring for my taste, but I happen to agree with Nancy Reagan's basic premise: Having tangible proof of this affirmation of love is so much better than just "knowing" that somebody loves you. Think about it. If memories are enough, why do we want to bring back a souvenir of our favorite tourist spot, or take pictures of the perfect sunset you may have seen? If feelings are enough, why do we need to produce a ring and not just let the proposal speak about the magnitude of your love? Not that I am encouraging people to be materialistic or to be cynical, but personally I would prefer words and physical affirmation of love over just showing their love through actions.

And if (knock on wood) there comes a time that unforeseen circumstance such as Alzheimer's disease or a stroke takes over the minds and bodies of your loved ones, having these things to hold on to makes all the difference in the world. Going through past letters that speak of your long and passionate courtship and love-filled marriage will give you the strength to be the stronger one in times of trial and despair. They will see you through and somehow make the lonely and sleepless nights a little less alone.

Memories may fade. Some words may be forgotten. But tangible affirmations are there forever.

Tangling with Temperaments

A good friend of mine lent me a book which she found interesting. It's called "When You're Serious About Love - Straight Talk to Single Adults" by Dr. Kay Kuzma. It contains down-to-earth guidelines and points to ponder for dating, love and marriage.

One interesting chapter I particularly liked in this book talks about temperaments from a practical point of view. Knowing the basic characteristics of each behavior type will help you in how you deal with people in different situations, whether it be for work or for personal.

The theory of temperaments is not new. In fact, it existed during the time of Hippocrates. He observed and categorized human behavior of related styles into four: sanguine, choleric, melancholy and phlegmatic.

Sanguine
These are fun-loving people who are usually the center of attention in a party. They are spontaneous, funny, outgoing but they can also be childlike and somewhat impulsive and forgetful.

Choleric
They are goal-oriented. They get things done. They are natural leaders. They are well-organized, dynamic, impatient and bossy.

Melancholy
They are deep thinkers and perfectionist. They are analytical, artistic and enjoy details.

Phlegmatic
These are conflict-avoiding and peace-loving people. They are easygoing, steady and laidback. They also dislike change and tend to keep their emotions to themselves.

Now for the fun part -> Imagine mixing up the different personalities in a relationship.

Let's say, a sanguine female who wants to have a good time who is invariably drawn to a choleric who wants to get things done without any delay. Or a choleric female who is used to ticking off her To-Do list (yes that's me!) dating a melancholic guy who insists on thinking things over before making any decision. Or the phlegmatic husband who always ends up harboring feelings of resentment towards his sanguine wife who prefers to tackle issues head on...

Uh-oh is right. Potential conflict is definitely in the air. In fact, not having any understanding of the basic differences in your temperaments will result in both of you feeling frustrated with each other.

What temperament category do you find yourself majorly falling in? What about your partner? Do your areas of conflict outweigh your areas of compatibility?

Being and marrying somebody with different temperaments can make your life interesting. Why would you want to marry an exact replica of yourself? But, you have to ensure that you have exposed each other over several situations where you will see how your different temperaments clash or complement each other.

A word of caution though from the author: Don't box yourself an use these categories as "excuses" for your behavior. You control your own behavior. You choose what reaction you would have. You are not a slave to your temperament. You can change.

"You can't avoid temperamental tangles in marriage, but the more you can grow to accept and respect each other's differences BEFORE marriage, the fewer tangles there will be AFTER." ~ excerpt from the book

Song of the Month - June 2006

You Are The Love Of My Life
by George Benson and Roberta Flack

You are the love of my life
I knew it right from the start
The moment I looked at you
You found a place in my heart

You are the love of my life
You give me reason to live
You taught me how to be strong
With you is where I belong

No one’s ever touched me
Quite the way you touch me
People search a lifetime
To find what we have

You are the love of my life
One thing that’s good in this life
I’ll spend the rest of my days
Just loving you

You are the love of my life
The heart and soul of my life
Once I was lost and alone
With you at last I am home

You give me so much of you
And give me room to be free

You are the love of my life
One thing that’s good in this life
And in a world full of change
One thing I’m sure of

You are the love of my life
One thing that makes sense in this life
I’ll spend the rest of my days
Just loving you

You are the love of my life
And I thank God I’m alive
To spend my lifetime with you
You are the love of my life