Affirmative!

No matter how confident or secure you are in your abilities, words of affirmation are still important.

I was starting to feel just a tiny bit insecure, especially after hearing a barrage of subtly-spoken and well-meaning suggestions for the past couple of days on my child-rearing abilities. When I was putting my son to bed a while ago, I jokingly said to him, "You know, maybe I should look for a better mother for you, even for just a few weeks." Upon hearing this, my sleepy child suddenly gave me a long and fierce hug and told me with all the seriousness of a 6-year old, "But Mommy, I don't want any other mommies. You're the only mommy I want. I love you just the way you are."

There's nothing pretensious or grandoise about what he said. In fact, it was the sheer simplicity and utter confidence of his words that made my face beam with pleasure. I know that he loves me (I carried him for 9 months, for goodness' sake), but hearing them uttered back to me without me saying it first made my day.

Coincidentally, I just finished reading this book by Former Lady Nancy Reagan, entitled "I Love You, Ronnie." It contains the letters of Former U.S. President Ronald Reagan to Nancy from the time they met until past their 50th wedding anniversary. He tried to keep in touch despite travelling too much. He did it through mails, telegrams, greeting cards, little notes, anyhow, anywhere.

And these don't just magically appear on those days that have corresponding Hallmark greeting cards. Be it ordinary or special days, the letters are always there to show Nancy that his husband is always thinking of her, no matter where he is or what he's doing.

I found the book a bit too mushy and boring for my taste, but I happen to agree with Nancy Reagan's basic premise: Having tangible proof of this affirmation of love is so much better than just "knowing" that somebody loves you. Think about it. If memories are enough, why do we want to bring back a souvenir of our favorite tourist spot, or take pictures of the perfect sunset you may have seen? If feelings are enough, why do we need to produce a ring and not just let the proposal speak about the magnitude of your love? Not that I am encouraging people to be materialistic or to be cynical, but personally I would prefer words and physical affirmation of love over just showing their love through actions.

And if (knock on wood) there comes a time that unforeseen circumstance such as Alzheimer's disease or a stroke takes over the minds and bodies of your loved ones, having these things to hold on to makes all the difference in the world. Going through past letters that speak of your long and passionate courtship and love-filled marriage will give you the strength to be the stronger one in times of trial and despair. They will see you through and somehow make the lonely and sleepless nights a little less alone.

Memories may fade. Some words may be forgotten. But tangible affirmations are there forever.