Women of Value

June 15, 2007

He who touches you touches the apple of His eye.
- Zechariah 2:8

It was during the time that my dad got sick with cancer and stroke that I realized just how far apart I am from my spiritual side. You know how people normally pray during desperate times? Well, I didn't even pray a single time throughout my dad's illness. THAT scared me and prompted me to stop pushing my spirituality aside until a more convenient time. I realized that I have become so emotionally detached from God that my spiritually ispractically non-existent. I have been spiritually barren for more more than a dozen years now, whether deliberate or not.

I attended my first bible study last night. I met a group of genuinely warm and God-fearing adults who seriously believe that being Christ-centered can do more good than evil. The group is also there to share stories from their own experiences that will help the rest of the group think about similar choices that they've done.

Main Message
The woman of God knows she is valuable and has worth because Jesus Christ is in her life. The first step towards self-esteem is acceptance by faith that "I have value because God accepts me."

What Made It Difficult For Me To Swallow
1. Because of previous horrible situations, I have trouble accepting blessings and good fortune at face value. I find myself disbelieving and challenging everything that seems good before accepting them. But understanding this self-inflicted destructive pattern has helped me realize that this is not helping me achieve anything positive in my life. I should strive to believe that I am worthy of being loved and showered with blessings in life.

2. Normally people measure their worth by their achievements, their status, their children's successes or how well-matched they are with their respective partners. But what is the real measure of worth? If you suddenly lose your job, your children become drug addicts and you find yourself divorced from your husband, does that make you any less worthy or less valuable? We have to shift our current thinking vs the real worth. It is proven time and time again that material things are not reliable - meaning they can either break or we can lose them. We should strive to find our worth not from external sources but from something more lasting and reliable.

3. Believe me, I have committed my fair share of sins, in my short 28 years on Earth. I may not be a serial killer nor a terrorist, but I am not a completely nice person all the time. Why should Christ stand by me and die for me, when I clearly did not deserve any of it? Well, I guess it just is. That is how powerful God's love is for us. It has no ifs and no buts. We are sinners, yet we are loved. I guess I should stop beating myself up for all of my past mistakes and start believing and loving myself first.

Status
Being the cynical and logical person that I am, you should've guessed that I am still not fully convinced that "God is the way." -- No way, not after just 3 hours of stimulating discussion and great company.

But I do know that I am one baby step closer to seeing the light and one step farther away from detachment and emptiness. And I do know that I am going back next Friday again to listen to what lessons I might learn from all the other folks in the room. Thanks to my friends who have continuously prayed even though I did not believe.