Tangling with Temperaments

A good friend of mine lent me a book which she found interesting. It's called "When You're Serious About Love - Straight Talk to Single Adults" by Dr. Kay Kuzma. It contains down-to-earth guidelines and points to ponder for dating, love and marriage.

One interesting chapter I particularly liked in this book talks about temperaments from a practical point of view. Knowing the basic characteristics of each behavior type will help you in how you deal with people in different situations, whether it be for work or for personal.

The theory of temperaments is not new. In fact, it existed during the time of Hippocrates. He observed and categorized human behavior of related styles into four: sanguine, choleric, melancholy and phlegmatic.

Sanguine
These are fun-loving people who are usually the center of attention in a party. They are spontaneous, funny, outgoing but they can also be childlike and somewhat impulsive and forgetful.

Choleric
They are goal-oriented. They get things done. They are natural leaders. They are well-organized, dynamic, impatient and bossy.

Melancholy
They are deep thinkers and perfectionist. They are analytical, artistic and enjoy details.

Phlegmatic
These are conflict-avoiding and peace-loving people. They are easygoing, steady and laidback. They also dislike change and tend to keep their emotions to themselves.

Now for the fun part -> Imagine mixing up the different personalities in a relationship.

Let's say, a sanguine female who wants to have a good time who is invariably drawn to a choleric who wants to get things done without any delay. Or a choleric female who is used to ticking off her To-Do list (yes that's me!) dating a melancholic guy who insists on thinking things over before making any decision. Or the phlegmatic husband who always ends up harboring feelings of resentment towards his sanguine wife who prefers to tackle issues head on...

Uh-oh is right. Potential conflict is definitely in the air. In fact, not having any understanding of the basic differences in your temperaments will result in both of you feeling frustrated with each other.

What temperament category do you find yourself majorly falling in? What about your partner? Do your areas of conflict outweigh your areas of compatibility?

Being and marrying somebody with different temperaments can make your life interesting. Why would you want to marry an exact replica of yourself? But, you have to ensure that you have exposed each other over several situations where you will see how your different temperaments clash or complement each other.

A word of caution though from the author: Don't box yourself an use these categories as "excuses" for your behavior. You control your own behavior. You choose what reaction you would have. You are not a slave to your temperament. You can change.

"You can't avoid temperamental tangles in marriage, but the more you can grow to accept and respect each other's differences BEFORE marriage, the fewer tangles there will be AFTER." ~ excerpt from the book